Budapest

Everyone has their own way of remembering the past. Some look at old videos or pictures, while others my see or hear something that reminds them of a memory, a memory they, for years to come, will never let go of.
For me, maybe because of Gargi's head bobbing to the song or the way it comforted Sharanya to fall asleep, every time the song Budapest comes on, all I think about are the memories I have made over the past 4 weeks.
The last week was bitter sweet. I was able to go to Appleton and meet a VARIETY of people who were going or involved in shakha. During my stay I was able to see first hand how not everyone coming to shakha is Hindu, much less Indian. It came to me then, shakha symbolizes unity in diversity. I wanted to know more now! This is the bitter part...my I only got 3 days to mingle with those folks.
Thought my journey I have gone from being terrified to falling in love with the people I have met along the way. I know I have told all of y'all about how much I have enjoyed my stay and everyone I was with, but it didn't hit me (seriously it didn't) till I boarded the plane. For starters, I DIDNT check in my bag. Yeah hahah especially not after what happened the first time. Conveniently the bag didn't fit in the overhead! and when I was putting it down, my hand slipped and it fell on an old gentlemen's head....just my luck. The air hostess was kind enough to get me a temporary bag to unload a couple of my things and then place both bags in a different overhead space. Once I got in my seat I put my headphones on and thought "take a deep breath, now its a straight flight back"..... Guess what song came on. C'mon guess...Budapest! OH GOD. Then the waterworks started. I don't know what came over me, I couldn't hold it in! I have seen people cry in public historically and I would think "seriously, grow up. learn to control what you are feeling and quite making a scene." I would now like to take a moment and say that I COMPLETELY understand these individuals!!! To top it all off, this happened:
"sweetheart are you alright?"-old couple sitting next to me
"Are you missing your kids?"-air hostess
"NO" *while I ball my eyes out* "I'm seventeen..."-me
"Then whats the matter honey?"- young couple sitting in front of me
Now, have you ever tried consoling someone and they take complete advantage of it and basically tell their whole life story to you... Yeah well in this case..THATS ME!
I told them how I was a vistarak, who I met, and how "I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY I AM CRYING BUT I AM....." *sniff, cry, sniff, cry*
Finally I stopped, actually I kind of had to since the flight was taking off, and went to sleep. After about an hour I woke up to the sound of the young couple's baby crying.
"Here you go honey, maybe cheering him up will make you feel better too."-the kids mom
......seriously...I don't know what to say right now...but I played with Kevin (1 year old son) and he stopped crying within seconds.
"WOW, your so good with kids! So what are your plans from here on out?"
I explained how I want to become a Neonatal surgeon and the other majors I am taking in undergrad. Lets just say that they approved of my aspirations after seeing how much I enjoyed kids, even in their ugly crying fits....hahahaha. All in all, Wisconsin is now my golden grand piano, my hidden treasure chest, but l'd NEVER leave it all. (You have to know the lyrics of Budapest to understand).

*SIGH*

Its funny how day after day nothing seems to change, but when you look back everything is different. After Madison, it was time to head back to Milwaukee. Currently that's where I am. Same host family, same room, but different perspective. For the first day or 2 all I could think about was "I have had so much fun. Am I doing what I am supposed to? What if I was becoming a disappointment?!" To top it all of I was having headaches which meant that I would have to take medicine and sleep. I felt so guilty, now thanks to my headache I was wasting valuable time "taking rest". I basically slept through a whole day....That is when I decided that I needed help. *enter mom* No matter who you are, you have "a person". This individual is the reason you get through your highs and your lows, without them, your basically a hot mess... After talking to my mom I realized that I wasn't the problem, the problem was that I was over thinking EVERY situation and incident. "Take a deep breath Nitika. You need to chill. Quite it!" Now that I know my problem, how do I get over it?? *enter Aman Ji* Before I explain what happened, I have to say something. Aman Ji was the first vistarak here before me. In my opinion, HE IS A SHAKHA GOD. He so effortlessly mingles with others while getting his point across. Every action he takes is for a reason, a meaningful reason. There is no concept of "wasting time"...You have NO IDEA how many times people brought him up when they started a conversation with me. Aman this, Aman that. In my head "HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LIVE UP TO THAT??!!!" That is when it hit me, "Call him! Bingo. Its as easy as that!"
Aman Ji explained to me how I needed to stop worrying because no matter what I am making some sort of impact on others. If I do what I am told and HAVE FUN while I'm doing it, then I am achieving my purpose. Thats when it hit me, there is wayyy more to being a vistarak then just shakha, the emotions I have been feelings and the memories I have been making are equality as important. I may never be Aman Ji, but I am the best me. Thats all I should be.
After that, I was able to take a sigh of relief! Gargi actually asked me if I was okay and why I didn't seem so happy. I told her that it was complicated and she told me "Just smile, thats all you need to do! you will feel better." This little girl I tell you, FULL of surprises. She knows how to cheer me up, what pushes my buttons, and how to make a permanent place in my heart.
Week 3-present..JUST KEEPS GETTING BETTER.
We visited the Discovery Museum where we saw fish, cool ships, and MADE CRAFTS!!! (if you cant tell, I love crafts, especially the ones I can put up in my dorm room). During the day at the museum one thing stuck. A cool lookin ship? Yeah no hahaha. When we went on this indoor boat display, the kids started looking around and Anuradha Ji went around with them. Thats when Shriram Ji approached me and asked "hey I have been noticing you for a couple days now. Is everything okay? You seem a bit home sick or something.." It may seem like no big deal...yeah so what, all he did was ask if you were alright...NO it isn't, it stuck. I knew that I wasn't in this alone, there are people here with me that "care". It made my day to know that I am not just being looked over.
Once we got home, I could see my work improve as well. We had an art camp planned for Sunday for kids. I was given the responsibility to help plan and execute. At the beginning of the week I was doubtful of my capability. I have done things like this many times in the past but I was to focused on "impressing"; however, now I was more excited then ever!! This art camp was going to be a chance for me to talk to more people! With my changed mindset I must say, I was able to better enjoy the workshop. All I had to do was to hold the vision and trust the process.
As the days went on, man did I have a blast! Okay lets make one with known, Shriram Ji really doesn't understand the meaning of feminism. For example, he thinks that acting, talking, and thinking like a girl is what makes someone a feminist hahahaha. The other day we went to go play tennis. FYI neither of us can play, period. So after we were done trying to keep the ball in our court and get it over the net, we started chatting about working out. (I dont workout. My mom has bribed me with $1,000 and I still didn't do it). In the middle of the conversation he says "okay yeah I'm not going to make a comment because 'feminism'". Like me y'all are also probably confused right? After I pushed for an explination, Shriram Ji said "If you dont workout then...you'll get fat!"
"How does that have anything to do with feminism??"
"Well girls never use the term fat, they try and say it in a nicer way."
So yeah, hahaha there are also many such incidents with other terms like democrat, republican, and so on...
The kids and Anuradha Ji are even funnier. Once when we went to go to Bed Bath & Beyond, and I stayed in the parking lot with the kiddos. Randomly car alarms start going off. I think "OH NO, now Parth is going to get scared and cry for mommy!" NO this little man starts dancing! For some reason he thinks its music! Oh boy...it gets better. A couple minutes later, Gargi gets a hold of my phone and decides to play my music! Now, let me be clear, like I said before, I am still a teenager at the end of the day; therefore, not all my songs are rated G...Yeah conveinently a Jason Derulo song comes on.
Do you know how hard it is to get a child to not repeat lyrics?! I had to put another song on and make funny faces and what not to get her mind off of it. That was a close one.... That evening, once Shriram Ji was home, he and Gargi decided that they wanted to play Just Dance. I am sorry to say this but HAHAHA. Shriram Ji is a very talented individual, but dancing isn't one of those talents. *sigh* No matter what happens, memories like these can never be replaced. Staying with the Kelkar family has taught me that being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect, it just mean you have learned to love the imperfections.

Parth's first time in a movie theater!

     

Next Stop... Madison

"Every day is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start again."

As a vistarak you never know exactly where you are going next, who all you will meet, and how people are going to adjust with you. It felt as if I had taken a beep breath to get comfortable and, SIKE,  I'm going to a completely new place with new people...have fun! Sunday (of the first week), once the family camp was over, I took my bags and went to Madison. There was another young couple that I stayed with, Naveen Ji and Suvita Ji. To be honest, at first I thought, "oh boy, they seem super quite, I hope I don't overwhelm them and make them regret having me here...."
It took me 1 day, that's it. This family wasn't the quite shy type. Actually, Naveen Ji isn't to talkative but he isn't shy either, basically he talks enough to where he gets his point across. Suvita Ji was quite the talker. You would have to get comfortable with her first, and then she was just like any other friend of yours. We would tease each other and talk about almost anything! Sometimes I would take an hour break from my work to talk with her and end up spending all day just chitchatting!! Sanchit (7 year old son) and Sharanya (4 year old daughter), HA, oh boy they weren't shy at first or ever! If they had an opinion, they made it known! I remember and will never forget what Sharanya said to me. At dinner, one day, Sharanya asked me ",Your going to become a doctor right? That is so cool. You know something, I want to be just like you when I am older." Just thinking of the moment makes me want to tear up. Going into this (becoming a vistarak) I knew that I would have kids around and that I would be a role model to them, but when a child holds your hand and sincerely tells you that you are what they strive to be, god...there is really nothing like it.
Along the way I was able to meet many more parents and kids. Tanay, Sahaj, Soham, Sarayu, Sid, Shaurya, Shivam, and the list goes on!! At this point, I don't even know if I want to go back home! I mean this is home now too. They showed me the city and university which took my breath away. I guess for a Texan, you could say that Wisconsin in like a giant evergreen forest. Everywhere you look all you see is beautiful plants, greenery, and the weather is AMAZING! In a way, the people I have met so far were doing almost like an unspoken/unseen magic on me. Within 2 week I knew all the inside jokes and slang, how to tell how someone was feeling by their actions, and best of all, I knew that they cared. For me the word "care" carries a load of weight. When I say "care" I don't mean, "yeah they get me stuff to make sure I'm comfortable"... they actually went out of their way and make me feel apart of their own family, as if I have always known them. During this week (week 2) I began to get emotionally attached with those around me. I realized HOW MUCH I missed Gargi, Parth, Shriram Ji, and Anuradha Ji. More over, I also knew my heart was going to break when I would have to leave Madison. If I could have any one wish right now, it would be to take everyone I have met to come back to Texas with me! (I hate even the thought of it) I wont be able to hold myself together when I leave these kiddos behind. UGH can I have them all! hahahaha. I want to be there when the fall to pick them up. I want to spoil them and love them forever. I want to hold on to them and never let go.  

     

Home At Last

So week 1, I landed in Chicago airport where it was pouring outside! Apparently when it rains, baggage isn't brought inside... Okay, I am a vistarak so I shouldn't be attached to worldly things and such, right? YEAH NO. At the end of the day I am 17 and at that time I was very nervous to meet new people too! Imagine going to an unknown area, at 11 pm, with unfamiliar faces around you without having any personal belongings. I WAS TERRIFIED. But, I stayed cool, calm, and composed since I didn't want to come off as a typical teenage girl that would basically die without her favorite pair yoga pants and straightener...
From the airport I was picked up by Tejus uncle. OH wait sorry, I forgot, people here (since they are in their late 20s and 30s) don't like being called "uncle" or "aunty". So, Tejus Ji picked me up and he, well, scared me a bit. (ha ha ha...) He explained all the changes that he feels should be made and all the expectations he has of me. At this point, I started to think that maybe I wasn't ready or even supposed to be here, I think I may have made a mistake! While Tejus Ji talked to me, all I could do was go over the list of "rules" my mom, Digant Ji, and Anjali Ji had made.
1. Mind your language.
2. BE PATIENT
3. No is never an answer
4. No matter what happens, I will stay in control of my emotions in front of others
5. I am not here on vacation, so focus on the work on the "fun" (this one was really made by my mom)
Number 4 on that list I've got to say was probably one of the hardest rules to follow. To give you a better understanding of the situation, just picture me smiling and agreeing with Tejus Ji in the car, when actually I was screaming and crying like a little girl from the inside!!
The one thing that helped me was the thought of going to Anuradha Ji's and Shriram Ji's house and going to sleep!. I don't know why, but I imagined them as a bit older couple. Like around my parents age (I love you mom and dad! I promise I am not calling y'all old..but comparatively..). The moment they opened the door, I swear I thought, "okay, where are the cameras. Ha Ha Ha this is hilarious...really, like seriously, can anything go the way I imagined it would." One thing I soon learned as a vistarak was that you cant expect things to always go your way. Life brings with it the unexpected, and living under my parents shelter would have never given me the chance to realize this! However this couple was young and fun! During the week they did whatever they could to make me feel at home and took me out (we actually went to the Harley Davidson museum which was like a dream come true!) since I was worried about my luggage and still a bit home sick. (By the way, the airlines told me that they had lost my baggage...). Hands down though I don't know what I would do without their kids, they are hilarious! The morning after I had come, I went to say hi to Gargi (6 year old daughter) and Parth (1 year old son). Gargi didn't say a word to me, and Parth thought he was a dinosaur and kept roaring at me.
"Hi Parth! How are you baby?"
"ROOOAAAARRRRRR"
"hey Par-"
"RRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!"
Yeah so you could say that at first I was a bit confused. (That's really an understatement). Before long though, I was finally able to roar and laugh along with them. Gargi, the so called quite little girl, always has something to say, there is never a boring/lifeless moment with her!
During this time I was able to attend 1 shakha in Milwaukee, meet some new people, and help plan for a family camp that would happen over the weekend. Throughout this process I learned many things about myself. First and foremost, I AM LAAAZZZYYYY! and my host family, yeah not so much..playing outside, helping around the house, and not watching Netflix all day long..you could say I was struggling. But now, I cant believe that I ever missed out on helping my mom in the kitchen/around the house, going out with my sister, and wasted my time on "Grey's Anatomy" and other such shows when I could have been making memories. Also, at camp I was able to see a WHOLE new side of shakha activities. Yes, I already knew the importance of shakha, but I didn't know the effects of it! During the camp, I noticed that even when we weren't conducting planned activities, parents and kids cared for one another even if they hadn't met before. Its hard to explain. The closest thing I can relate the atmosphere to is India. My family and I try to go to India about every year. The one aspect that I haven't seen anywhere but there would have to the neighborly aroma. For example, you don't have to call before coming over to someone's house, everyone (without physical communication) knows to meet in the morning and in  the evening at the nearest park, and no matter what age there is unconditional respect between everyone. These small actions are what make me feel like I am home. This is what I felt during activities I conducted , people I talk to, and interactions I observed.  I felt now I was home.

            

Why Now?

     For starters let me just say I am not the best writer. So please excuse my grammar. Anyways, the reason I am writing is to tell my story, or actually explain what I am doing right now. Currently I am a "vistarak". Whats that? Basically I have been given the opportunity to devote a select amount of time to HSS, in order to help shakhas anywhere around the world. My assigned destination was Wisconsin! To be quite frank, I didn't know that's where I was going till like a week before my flight. I know what some of y'all maybe thinking...A WEEK?? Why didn't I plan ahead?? Was I just being a typical teenager and procrastinating?? NO. The truth of that matter is that  I didn't get to decide where I go! When I made the choice to be a summer vistarak before I go to college, the destination depended on the need for me. I am good with kids and parents; therefore, an area FULL of kids and only kids (obviously parents too) was the golden location, aka Wisconsin. Before I get into what I have been doing and who I have met along the way, I want to shed some light on why I am here.

Growing up in a Hindu family didn't mean that I would know everything about my religion and how it effects me. Actually, at one point I had decided that I didn't have faith in god, I didn't believe there was any such thing. My mom really tried pushing me to go to temple classes and what not, but that wasn't the ideal setting for me! "I already go to school and have to sit through your boring poojas...now you are making me go to classes on the weekend at the temple too!! UGHHH," I would tell my mom, but moms are moms, what can you do..There was no stopping her from trying to put me on the "right path" (whatever that meant)! Don't get me wrong, I love my mom and would do anything for her, but can she be pushy and bit frustrating..YES! However in a way you could say that because of how she is, I have been able to understand who I really am as an individual and why I should be proud of the traits that make me unique. How? Well after she searched and put me in god knows how many different Hindu or cultural activities, she finally landed on jackpot! Shakha! Now it wasn't the first time I attended shakha ( I had gone when I was about 5 and I didn't grasp the importance), but as a teenager (8th grader) I was finally able to understand the hype! No body sat and lectured me. No body told me I was wrong. NO BODY TOLD ME WHO I SHOULD BE! I was given the chance to have 2 hours every week where I could be me. REALLY ME. I am not going to sit here and explain how I felt because words wont do justice. The only thing I can write here would be that without going to shakha, I wouldn't know who I wanted to be in the future, learn to be a public speaker and leader, or maybe even be Hindu. That last statement may startle some people, which okay yeah I know it seems a bit dramatic but ITS THE TRUTH! I have basically grown up all my life in Texas (the bible belt of USA), so wouldn't it be convenient to just be another religion...I mean who cares right? WRONG. If anything, take this advice from me...never let ANYONE tell you who you should be, if you believe in something, GO FOR IT, never look for the easy way out, its the struggle that makes the destination worth while. So "Why Now?". Why become a vistarak now when I have my whole life ahead of me..."This is the age I should be out with friends and having useless fun!!"...yeah uhhh, I AM, the only difference is that I am neither with friends nor am I having useless fun. I am with my family, having the best time anyone could have every asked for or imagined. In shakha we are a family, no mater who you are, we come together as ONE. I have given 4 weeks to be a vistarak and 3 of which have already past...yeah I KNOW why am I writing this SO late in the game, honestly its not that I didn't get this idea before, its that I didn't know if I should share my experience with...well EVERYONE. I'm not going to explain everything that has happened in the past 3 weeks in this post, but I will in the next ones. For now I just want to say that I really cant explain how deeply I have fallen in love with the places and the people here...if anyone of the people I have had the pleasure of meeting is reading this now, just know that you have made me a better person and saying thank you infinity still wouldn't suffice. You are a part of me now, and there is no turning back from here....

Not everyone is here, but this will give you an idea of some (and how many) incredible people I have met.